Vulnerability Is My Superpower

We have so much fear about opening up and allowing others to see our humanness, because we’ve been conditioned to believe that being vulnerable is a weakness, I wonder why ‘they’ would have us believe that our superpower (vulnerability), you know the thing that creates strong connections with other human beings is a weakness 😉…


Ok look I’m not here to go down the rabbit hole of the elite, and how they want to keep us disconnected from our natural state, and how they want us to see ‘them’ as our saviours so we give up all our power…


No,


I’m here to talk to you about the lessons I’ve learnt over the last 12 months, and how I think they can benefit you if you relate my story to your life, and look at the crossovers between the words that are coming out of me and the thoughts and experiences that are part of you.


If we always remember that we have an invisible thread connecting us all this will help us to see the eternal ‘us’ instead of the separate me and you.


So just over 12 months ago I began a deep journey of reconnecting to myself.


I had spent the last few years holding on to an identity that I had become ashamed of and I had attached so much of that identity to Dan the PT.


I’d been a PT for years and originally my reasons for wanting to become a PT were;


⦁ I’d spent a few years just going from job to job just wishing my life away and lacking confidence, but most of all purpose, I knew there was more to life than just working 40+ hours in a shitty job to pay bills and get pissed at the weekend because I was bored.


⦁ I’d been going to the gym and had always been sporty and active my whole life and that is what made me feel the most alive.


⦁ Being a naturally slim lad all my life, and then building some muscle gave me so much more confidence, and I wanted to help other people experience the benefits that I too have experienced.


⦁ I knew that I still struggled with confidence, and the only way to grow was to step out of my comfort zone and do something I loved.


⦁ I had told one of the women I worked with that I was going to apply for an apprenticeship to become a personal trainer, to which she responded “you will never make any money being a pt and if you put the hours in here you can earn good money” btw that ‘good money’ was about £1600 a month! This gave me the kick up the arse to get out of that hell hole even faster.


⦁ I had a couple of people that doubted me and a couple of ‘mates’ that would laugh at me when I told them how much I earned, this again was more fuel to the ‘i’ll show you’ fire.


⦁ I loved the feeling I got when I would help people, even if that help was being a listening ear to someone, it gave me a feeling of purpose.

Now a lot of my reasons were to either prove to others I could ‘do it’, to build my self confidence, or to help people, and that is what enabled me to open a pt studio and grow my business in 6 months from £900 a month to £5000.


But the shit hit the fan as you’ve read in other blogs and that sent me on a downward spiral of drink, drugs and instant gratification seeking.


As I started to come out the other side of that low point in my life, I began (as I think we all do) demonising that old version of me, and instead of having a little self compassion, I began judging those behaviours in others, because I was still ashamed of those parts of myself.


This lack of empathy for myself that I was projecting onto others made me go into my shell, because in my mind I had told myself that this version of me that I didn’t like, would only come out if I had mates.


This meant that I isolated myself, which come with some backlash from people that I didn’t expect which then resulted in me attaching even more weight to the belief I had created around me being ‘better off on my own’.


From January 2020 I spent my days training clients, going for long 2+ hour walks on my own listening to self development podcasts, and the little time I did spend with other humans beings were Charis and her family.


Valentines day 2020 me and Charis had booked a lovely little air bnb (courtesy of my mum) in lytham st annes, and I’d booked us lunch at the cat café in Preston.


This was our first real glimpse of living together with the added bonus of being right next to the beach, and in a lovely little seaside town.


I instantly fell in love with the place, and waking up next to Charis those few mornings and planning our days together which consisted of a gorgeous walk along the beach (even though it was freezing cold) just made me realise exactly what I wanted, and I was determined to make it a reality.


Charis was due to be started her masters degree at UCLAN (Preston uni) in september 2020, but by the end of March the world was shut down because of a deadly flu virus 😉, I’ll leave that discussion out of this blog.


Strangely enough by the start of April I had been given my 30 days notice by my landlord on my PT studio, which came as a surprise but was actually the best thing that happened to me.


This was the kick up the arse I needed to stop PT’ing, and really figure out exactly what it was I wanted to do.


So I spoke to Charis, and we decided that we would move away from Sudbury, and move up to Lytham st. Annes.


I spent the majority of April selling my gym equipment with no real clue what I was going to do for an income.


My plan a year prior to this was to be an online coach, and build my online business to a point where I could drop most, if not all of my in person clients, as my dream has always been to have locational freedom, to be able to decide at the drop of a hat that I want to go and move across the country, or the world, and not have any ties anywhere, my therapist has told me this is due to my religious upbringing which was very regimented in what I could or couldn’t do.


But the thing was, I no longer wanted to having any attachments or reminders of ‘Dan the PT’, and as much as I loved the deeper behaviour change coaching I was now doing along side my face to face pt stuff, it was still a part of me that I hadn’t healed which obviously meant I needed to discard it just like those friendships.


The start of May we had found a property, and although the world had gone crazy and people were telling us we won’t be able to move, not once did I doubt that we would be going.


See the thing with me is, if I want something I will do whatever it takes to get it, because I never want to be on my death bed and think about all the times in my life I made excuses and didn’t go after what I wanted.


I was in constant communication with the estate agents, and after paying our deposit and fees they had told us that on the 16th May, all we needed to do was drop into their office and pick up the keys.


We were moving 260 miles north of everything and everyone we’ve ever known!


Now I didn’t really have any ties to Sudbury anymore, didn’t really see any of my family much, didn’t have a business I needed to stay in Sudbury for, and there was nothing that I had to sort out, it was literally just a case of packing my clothes and driving up north.


Charis on the other hand, was living with her family and she’d just left a job and all her friends, so for her, this really was a big deal.


We packed the car and began the long but very exciting journey to start a new chapter in our lives, and with every mile closer to our new home, brought with it more and more freedom.


We were so excited getting the keys, because not only was it our first place together, but it was a brand new chapter, and the start of OUR chapter in really building a life together.


We spent the first few days sleeping on our sofa because our bed wasn’t turning up until a week later, but looking back now almost a year on, this was half the fun (as my mum would remind me) this always made me think of the question,


‘Would you want to win the lottery?’ My honest answer is no.


For me i’m not money motivated, sometimes I wish I was, but the truth is, my biggest value is growth, and the journey is far more important to me than the ‘destination’, it’s all about self exploration that is driven by a curiosity to learn who I am, which i’ve come to realise is through the journey of learning who i’m not.


One of my favourite memories is putting together a chest of drawers with Charis while we were drinking ciders on a warm summer evening, admittedly it brought back some feelings around my first relationship, and starting a new life with someone, but it was from the perspective of how far i’ve come, how sorry I am for the pain and heartache I caused because of my own ‘stuff,’ and being hit by this feeling of ‘I never ever want my stuff to hurt someone again’


Now of course we all have things we struggle with, but as soon as we have the awareness to recognise our ‘stuff’, we have to start taking responsibility to heal, and our intention behind it I believe should be, because we deserve to experience all the love in the world, and anything that makes us feel unworthy of that love is a direct invitation to love that part harder and is exactly where ‘the work’ is.


we spent the next 6 weeks or so living as if we were on holiday, and we were just excited everyday to lay on the beach, drink ciders and eat fish and chips, we’d found 2 gluten free fish and chip shops so of course it would be rude not to!


by July I kind of needed some routine back in my life and I knew it was time to again focus on self growth, I invested in a high end coachng programme at £3200 for 12 weeks, which was an amount i’d never invested in myself before, but I kind of just knew that this was going to be transformational for me,


Self growth motivated, not money motivated ;).


These 12 weeks brought up some things that were challenging for me, but being part of a group of growth oriented men, in a container that was liberating and loving, was like nothing i’d ever been a part of, and being able to share things with zero-judgement was huge for me.


At the end of the 12 weeks I came away with a handful of really close friends that I regularly keep in touch with, and would now consider some of my closest friends i’ve ever had, you know the type of friends where you don’t have to be anything or anyone other than yourself…


Now it was far more obvious to me who I am meant to be helping!


I am meant to be helping men that have had all these same feelings of unworthiness that i’ve had, and help them out of that dark hole that we all get stuck in at certain times in our lives, and be the light for them when they are ready to look up,


I know I can now be that helping hand up for them, to start creating the life they truly deserve, while we work through all those uncomfortable feelings and beliefs together.


Now I was filled with a deep sense of purpose, I set about creating a coaching programme based around my own journey and the modalities i’d learnt and used myself along the way.


I had just created my new programme and was like a kid in a candy store, the only difference was, I knew I could have it all, there was no limits!


The next morning I wrote a post about where I was 3 years ago, and where I am now, I spoke about being arrested for an allegation of attempted rape, and how I ended up in £10k worth of debt and living in my PT studio, and how investing in myself and committing to my health has got me to where I am now.


I posted this in a Facebook group for entrepeneurs and it’s got something like 17k people in there.


My post sparked a conversation with someone via messenger, he had told me he was in a similar situation, or atleast knew how I had felt back then and he was scared of going down that path and losing the life he now has.


We booked a call for a day later and he opened up about where he currently is, and how he is ready to commit to himself.


I told him I knew I could help him and we went through how it would look us working together for 12 weeks, and that the programme was £1000.


he said ‘let me speak to the mrs’


30 minutes later he messaged me saying, you know what let’s do it, i’m in, I know this is exactly what I need!’


I always remember this moment because we never knew eachother, and apart from a 30 minute call, he put all his faith into me, and was willing to invest £1000 without any real proof that this was going to be what he needed, heck he didn’t even know if I was legit or if i’d take his money and ghost him!


Since this point my business has grown, and the more I align with who I am, and share the REAL me, the more I feel alive, and get to help other amazing men that want more for their lives!


This is where it really takes off for me…


6 weeks ago I started counselling because I knew that I was still holding on to shame around religious ‘stuff’ linked to sexuality, and this I knew was impacting how I show up in my relationship, I liken it to a part of me that i’ve locked away, and I knew that having a space to sit in uncomfortable feelings and be validated would be exactly what I need to really open my heart to the world.


Since I started my blog a few years ago I have always been very open and raw about the things i’m currently going through, the reason for this is because for me it’s kind of like my therapy, it’s a way for me to be who I truly am, I don’t know what it is about writing but I find it so cathartic, and liberating, but i’ve always held this belief that my writing has to be separate from my business.


My writing (effectively the real me) has to be separate from my business, because it’s unprofessional and I need to be a certain way for people to buy into me.


This always left me feeling unfulfilled, and what i’d done was create a huge divide, again this comes back to my religious trauma that had me believe I am either GOOD or BAD.


I now no longer hold on to that belief that I have to divide parts of myself up, it just comes down to my willingness to be vulnerable, and my motivation for being vulnerable is so I can empower others to always be true to themselves, and STOP putting on different masks in order to ‘fit in’


At the end of the day not everyone will get me, and not everyone will like me, but as long as I like me, and I follow my heart, life will always be a beautiful adventure that is full of twists and turns, and amazing opportunities, and I REFUSE to be the limiting factor in experiencing ALL of life!


All those parts of me that i’ve hidden, discarded and shamed, I am now grabbing hold of, and reconnecting them, and I promise I will NEVER abandon any part of me again, i’ve done it for far too long, and I owe it to myself and those closest to me to bring all of me :).


My business and my writing are extensons of me, and are no longer separate entities that I judge and use for validation,
I am now whole and am creating from a FULL heart, and not a heart that is begging to be mended or healed through people pleasing or playing small.


“Thankyou past Dan” as I wrap my arms around him and pat him on the back.


“You done exactly what you needed to do, you done your best, i’ll take us from here”


“I’ve got us”


Dan.

What i’ve learnt…

  1. Not everyone is meant to stay with you through every part of your life, and this does not mean that anything is wrong with you, OR them but just like day gives way to night the only permanent in life is change.
  2. You can’t think your way through life, you have to FEEL your way through life and this means experiencing ALL of it, the highs and the lows and everything in between.
  3. My worth is not attached to other peoples opinions of me, and is directly attached to my ability to love, and be loved, caveat… I am ALWAYS worthy of unconditional love.
  4. Vulnerability is my superpower!
  5. Everything I want is already inside of me I just have to shine a light in the darkness and not live in fear of what I might find.
  6. It’s ALL LOVE!
  7. I am capable of disgusting atrocities and every time I judge someone else for something I am instantly judging myself.
  8. We are all one!
  9. I am not my body or my thoughts, but the awareness behind it all.
  10. happiness is a shitty metric to live your life by, because it’s an emotion, emotions come and go, purpose, fulfilment and joy are far better things to go in pursuit of.
  11. life is NOT something that needs to look a certain way and as soon as you release attachment to how you think it should look the more you can begin enjoying this brief experience.
  12. Self-reflect, self-reflect, self-reflect!

Intimacy In A Relationship Is HARD!

A lesson that I’ve learnt the hard way and is something that me and Charis speak about a lot, is the importance of sexual intimacy in our relationship.

It’s so easy to get caught up in life and forget to invest daily into our relationship, and that very reason is exactly why in the past, a relationship I was in, ended up being more so as a best friend and not a girlfriend and sexual partner.

It’s only upon reflection we can really see where we went wrong.

You know that honeymoon period that everyone says goes…

I truly believe it doesn’t have to, and can transcend into something far greater where you become lovers, best friends and life partners,

But there is an IF…

Initially my main reasons for investing in my relationship were through fear that I would lose that ‘I JUST WANT TO FUCK YOU’ feeling, especially after I’d been there before and had really hurt someone I loved, because I didn’t have the awareness or the tools to cultivate the type of relationship I wanted, and coupled with the lack of courage to communicate my deepest desires, this led me to take the ‘easy’ otherwise known as the cowards way out…

Cheating.

Now my reasons for investing in my relationship are different, I know what type of relationship I want, and I have a duty to Charis to always try my best to communicate and stick to my commitment that we both made when deciding we wanted to create a relationship together.

I’ve learnt that 2 people (speaking about monogamous relationships as I haven’t experienced polyamory or open) that like eachother and choose to be in a relationship, just isn’t enough for a relationship to flourish, It takes constant communication, challenges, fear, love and everything in between to build the relationship you truly want.

As soon as I stop investing in my relationship and become lazy and complacent, my relationship will suffer (I know shock horror), so in order for me to have the type of relationship where I look at Charis and want to have passionate sex (or a quickie, or anything else sexually) with her, I HAVE to put the work in!

I want someone I can share my fears with (this starts with me owning them first),

I want someone I can break down infront of (this is what i’m currently working on through counselling as I struggle to connect with my own emotions and express them),

I want someone I can do nothing with (everyone loves a ‘snacks and film’ night),

BUT…I also want someone I can enjoy sexually,

And THAT comes down to how willing I am to invest in myself and my own healing (we’ve all got layers we need to peel back and learn to love).

A question I would ask yourself if you crave more intimacy with your partner is…

‘where am I not showing up for myself, where am I not showing up in my relationship, where am I NOT putting effort in and what can I do right NOW to start reinvesting?

Dan ‘this relationship stuff is hard’ Reader,

Much love.

How My Sexual Violation Empowered Me

Hi, I’m Charis. For those of you who know Dan, you will know this blogging platform originated from the man himself. You will also know the past eighteen months of blogging Dan has been nothing but open and honest. As I am piggy backing the audience he has drawn, I plan to follow suit with each contribution to this platform.


Before the 21st of December 2017 I was your average 18-year-old wishing away the week days and longing for that ‘Saturday night feeling’. I was out, most weekends, enjoying the feeling of intoxicating my body with alcohol alongside my friends. I had just started university at the time and after all, this what students go to university for right?


You’re probably questioning why I have introduced my story with an introduction to who I was before the 21st of December. The answer is simple. On that night I headed into town with my friends to enjoy the Christmas festivities. The only thing I was unaware of upon heading out that evening was that a 30-year-old male would break my spirit in a matter of minutes. My spirit remained broken for 9 months.


On the night of this discussion I was raped and pornographically violated. Particularly heavy words huh. I woke up in the home of a stranger, naked, disorientated, exposed, and oblivious of actual confirmation of what had happened the night before. I refused to believe what had happened to me was true. I never used the word ‘rape’ until it was presented to me in verbal communication from my counsellor that, that is what had occurred that night. Despite not knowing what had happened the night before all I knew when I left the next day was that there was a part of me missing. Exactly two weeks after the attack I was presented with my worst fears, a sexually explicit image of me surfaced, an image of my perpetrator engaging in intercourse with me. The photo was shared to my best friend, all his friends, and even made its way back to my own mum. Waking up the next day I did not believe anything else could break me. Boy was I wrong. The little piece of myself I had left had been stolen from me too. For the next three months following January the 4th I was mocked and laughed at by his friends, my ‘friends’ and my attacker himself. I truly had no care or regard left for myself, I was ashamed and riddled with self-blame. I began engaging in self-sabotaging behaviours; I was going out increasingly, misusing alcohol to numb the way I truly felt. I began to purge, head over the bowl, eyes streaming, screaming out for someone, anyone to save me from myself.


I went on like this for months. I hadn’t seen my perpetrator for months either. On August Bank Holiday Sunday I saw him. In a local bar, I sat in my seat at a table with my friends and he walked behind me, stroked my arm and hair. I did not move an inch, I wanted to cry, claw away at the part of my skin he had yet again invaded. He committed this act to simply remind me of what he had done, almost as if he was proud, it gave him a sense of control and dominance. He saw that I was enjoying my evening and decided he would soon put me in the place that belittled me and empowered him. Where it would have been easy for me to run home that night, I took a breath, rung my sister, and continued my night out. From the moment I stayed out I knew something had snapped inside of me. I had, had enough.


You see if you knew me on the outside, I looked fine and the majority of the time those whom are suffering look ‘fine’ on the outside, behind my bedroom walls I was howling praying to be anyone but myself.


Then I met Dan. I stumbled upon one of his blogs about loneliness. The universe had placed this blog in my path because it knew it was exactly what I needed to introduce me to the person whom was also struggling in his own personal life. Dan was never placed in my path for him to save me. Dan introduced me to podcasts and journaling. A week into communicating with Dan I knew exactly what I had to do without any interpretation from him. It was that I needed professional help. I made the call, attended the assessment and begun my six months of professional help. A form of help like no other. This was the route to correcting my self-destructive behaviours and allowing my heart to forgive myself.

I truly commend anyone with the bravery to admit themselves to counselling and therapy. I remember walking out of my assessment to meet my mum and sister. The only line I said to them whilst my voice cracked was ‘I know it was going to be hard but I didn’t think it was going to be that hard’ all the anger and hurt I projected upon myself for the past nine months was beginning to release from my body. His toxicity and grip that felt so heavily forced around my neck began to loosen. I write this part of this article tears streaming down eyes because I will never forget overwhelming feeling of no longer being under suffocation.


I had never planned this vicious attack to ever be part of my story, but without it I would have not been enabled the empowerment to love myself unconditionally, I would have never discovered the level of awareness that I currently attain. I am no longer full of hatred for him, nor am I for myself. The incident served its purpose exactly when it was supposed to. It will always be a part of my story, but it will not continue to define my story. It shaped me into the empowered and independent woman that I am and for that reason alone I am full of gratitude. I had two choices. I could have chosen: to live a life of bitterness and hurt, or I could have chosen to take what had already happened and recreate something beautiful from it. My message to you is that no matter what feels like the most heart-breaking situation to occur. You always have the power to choose yourself. Nobody will ever have more power over you than YOURSELF. Something taught to me by my counsellor when all I could feel was powerlessness.


If the said individual ever reads this, I hope you acknowledge that I don’t hate you. I thank you for giving me something far greater than what you think you gained. You gave me self-love, growth, and power.

Thank you! C x

The Curse Of The Intimacy Mask

Part 1.

I suppose i’ve been wanting to write this blog for a while but as my coach says,

“We’re never ready until we’re ready”

I want to start off by letting you all in on one of the real reasons I write my blog, and why I am more than happy to share it with whoever stumbles across it.

Ok, so the first blog I wrote was a hugely emotional representation of the hurt I was feeling in the hope that my ex would stumble across it in some corner of the internet just like you have,

I know…

Cringeworthy!

The more I began to look inside myself and be brutally honest with why I do certain things, it became evident that i’d been wearing this mask in a botched attempt to disable my deepest form of self expression.

I’ve been carrying a little shame but mainly fear that if I share who I truly am I would lose those close to me.

I talk about sex a lot, and I think about sex a lot, but this isn’t just because I have a high sex drive, this is because I want to get rid of all the stigma surrounding sex particularly self expression and fetishes (suppose they could fall under the same bracket) and give others the courage and enable you to give yourself permission to fully express who you are without fear.

As we all know there are very few absolutes in life so everything I share are just my opinions based on my experiences.

Now let me take you back to my first relationship when I was 22…

We were together 6 years, she was my first love and even to this day we still care about eachother a lot.

Truth is I never ever showed her who I truly was, I showed her the parts of me that I loved but anything that I was a little unsure about or thought she couldn’t handle I kept hidden through fear of losing her.

I have a fearless adventurous side in all areas of my life, and HATE, to the point where I cut people out of my life, those that put limitations on things, but when it comes to rejection I think we all have this huge fear that we continue to feed so it actually grows into something that really becomes an issue.

Now i’m not one for what you would call ‘vanilla sex’ not that their is anything wrong with that if that’s your thing but neither was I ready to openly ‘bare all’ and potentially be rejected.

So I done what us humans do and buried my head (I mean in the sand, not between her legs)

I lived in fear that if she ever saw that side of me I would lose her and I really DID NOT want that!

Porn became a bit of an addiction for me and a way that I could express myself judgement free, but of course this is not what porn should be used for, in fact I often think we substitute things in order to actually address the real issue.

The more I think about intimacy and why we all crave it so much but very few get the real genuine connections we are looking for is because just like me you too are afraid of ‘baring all’ and taking off the mask.

Intimacy is really about standing in front of your partner while you’re carrying all these different bags of things we would call ‘issues’ and them looking in to your eyes and telling you ‘I SEE YOU, AND I STILL WANT YOU’

In reality this is all we want, we want to be accepted for who we truly are instead of living in fear and keeping parts of ourselves hidden from our loved ones in case they get up and leave.

This was literally the biggest breakthrough i’ve had which is why now I am so open about everything and actually have received comments like ‘maybe you shouldn’t put that out there’ or under the radar comments aimed at me by people that must think i’m stupid 😉 ‘why do people share so much on social media,’

Well let me tell you right now…

If you feel the need to water down your personality or hold back on expressing yourself in hugely important areas of your life such as sexually then you are setting yourself up for a very bitter unhappy unfulfilled life and you only have yourself to blame!

My personal reason for cheating was because rejection from someone you don’t love is an easier pill to swallow than rejection from that one person you want to be accepted by.

Start showing up as your true self and those who are meant to be in your life will naturally gravitate towards you and those that aren’t will drift away.

I’m A Liar And So Are you

I wanted to explore a concept that baffles me time and time again every single time i’m faced with it,

I like to call this the people pleaser syndrome.

None of us like to hurt people intentionally and will even at times ignore our own wants and needs through fear of someone being displeased by a decision that doesn’t suit them unless of course you have zero empathy, fall into the category of a psychopath and your aspirations are to be just like the man, the legend Adolf Hitler <<< sarcasm level 101%.

Now let me put this into some real life context for you before my mind wanders down that rabbit hole of sociopaths, psychopaths and Satan worshippers.

Lets say you have recently made the decision to stop doing cocaine because you realise that some of the worst decisions you have made are a result of being face down in that white powder with a £10 note up your nose.

Now you know that your decision making is completely in your control when you are sober, but add some tequila, Strongbow dark fruits or Prosecco (if you are a proud owner of a vagina or are gender fluid) into your bloodstream and this becomes a whole new conversation if you’re fortunate enough to not of bypassed the should I shouldn’t I stage.

Your friends birthday is a few days away and you know this means going out and getting drunk and disorderly and you will without a doubt become victim to some shocking decisions after being face down in that substance that makes you believe you are untouchable.

Now they come out for your birthday a couple of months ago and you tell yourself it’s only right I should go out for theirs even though you know the things you are going to be getting up to are the opposite of what you promised yourself you were going to do.

This is where this people pleaser syndrome comes into play…

Do I break the promise I made to myself and do the things I no longer want to do,

Or…

Do I speak to my friend and just mention that i’m not going to be coming out drinking but we can go for a bite to eat and i’ll pay when you’re next free,

It takes a very strong person to not follow the crowd and most of us will choose to go out and justify it by telling ourselves, it’s only once and it is their birthday, i’m not hurting anyone,

But…

In actual fact making promises to yourself and then breaking them every time a difficult decision that will potentially upset someone comes along is hurting YOU and if you are so easily willing to hurt yourself then why do you get so upset when someone else hurts you?

I think this people pleaser syndrome comes about because we are all looking for instant gratification and can’t handle when we feel bad ourselves by delaying instant gratification for long term gain.

You can’t go out for dinner and choose a lower calorie option when everyone else is eating burgers and pizza because you don’t want to feel left out, but you’re more than happy to over indulge knowing that this is going to be far worse for you in the long term.

You can’t have a year without a holiday and invest that money into that course you want to do even though you know that a week abroad isn’t going to help you start a new career but yet you will still go away and get back to the same shitty job with that arsehole boss you always moan about.

You can’t be single for a while even though you know that jumping from relationship to relationship is only bringing you more unhappiness in the long term because you’re just getting with anyone that shows you a bit of attention because you feel lonely on your own.

You are not willing to feel bad yourself in the short term which is exactly why you are so scared of upsetting others based on a promise you have made to yourself that is all about improving your life and requires the delaying of instant gratification.

2019 for me is going to be about doing more things that I want to do that will bring me more fulfilment and a much more meaningful life rather than worrying about upsetting others.

Think about the decisions you are faced with every day and decide if you are making them based on what you actually want to do or if you are just choosing the easier instant gratification decision so you don’t upset someone.