Disliking Yourself Is A Necessity Of Life

If you follow my blog you will know that this is just my platform to be completely honest, open and raw, in the hope that it helps someone realise that they are not alone, and in fact every single one of us has struggles and fears, and being vulnerable is massively important to start attracting the type of people and relationships into your life that you actually want, and not just surface interactions.

 

Now you might be wandering what the fuck I mean when I say disliking yourself is a necessity of life……….

 

Well, I invite you to take a trip with me down the rabbit hole where I will divulge my own personal experiences and feelings on this matter.

 

So, bumpy ride wasn’t it, sorry about that, but now you’re here lets make a pact,

 

Anything you’re struggling with right now, that you can control, I want you to promise me you will really think about how you can improve the situation, and take an action to move you towards that……….

 

*online pinky promise

 

Great!

 

One thing you may hear a lot that really frustrates me is ‘as long as you’re happy’

 

Now if happiness is the most important thing, then why are there rehabs for alcoholics and drug addicts, because when they have a drink in their hand, or a line rattling through their nostrils, they will be in their happy place and nothing else matters in that moment.

 

The last 12 months I have been having this internal battle of wanting to be happy long term and doing things that make me happy in the moment.

 

I am at my absolute happiest when I am on my own, either walking in nature,  by the sea, or sitting in a tea room drinking coffee eating cake and planning my next blog, but the biggest paradox in my life is I want to be in love, and create a life with someone, a partner in crime is my way of explaining it, someone I can share my biggest secrets and desires and weaknesses with and know that they are still going to be there, deep down we all have a set of expectations and a check list if you will of the things that are non-negotiable when it comes to a relationship, but this is where so many people get this the wrong way round.

 

After being in a really shit place from my last relationship I attached myself to something that allowed me to look at things abit differently,

 

So I could be happy in the moment and not let any feelings or emotions get in the way cocaine very quickly became my go to every single weekend.

 

I go out drinking and sniffing coke on a Saturday because as much as I love my own company, too much of anything can be a negative, and we all want to socialise and connect with people deep down.

 

Why cocaine has been a big part of me getting over my ex and putting that in the past, is because it creates a shield for me, a big fuck off piece of armour that defends my true feelings and emotions and lets me see women in one way.

 

Now if you’ve read any of my other blogs you’ll know why sex and passion are massively important for me, and cocaine enables me to almost objectify women so I don’t have to feel anything other than the obvious, now this is where the title of this blog comes from……….

 

The next day (99% of Sundays) I hate myself because I am potentially ruining any real sort of connections by objectifying them rather than interacting as the best version of myself just because I have had this wall up for over a year and I’m scared of falling in love again.

 

Now what so many of us do, is start looking for someone while we’re in this negative place to almost rescue us, but the truth is no one is coming to rescue you from yourself, you have to become the type of person that attracts that relationship into your life, remember like attracts like.

 

Now my dilemma isn’t the fact that I have been doing cocaine, because I really don’t have an issue with that I personally think alcohol can be far worse, but rather the fact that I have befriended it as a way of shutting the real me away.

 

The last few weeks I have felt myself regaining control, and the power shifting more in favour of choosing to do what I do at the weekend, rather than feeling like I have to do what I’ve been doing, thing is, everything can be used in a negative way even something that you would see as a positive so its about really understanding and reflecting on why you are doing something and asking yourself ‘am I in control or is this thing in control of me?’

 

The reason I am so grateful for the fact that I dislike myself on a Sunday is because it flicks a switch in me to go back to being the Dan that I am proud of and the Dan that is always striving for self growth so he can be more and do more for other people, if my only mission in life was to be happy I would continue to get intoxicated every weekend, objectifying women and never really finding that person I want to create a life with.

 

We all have parts of our personality that we dislike, and that is a positive, because it will always leave room for exploration and growth meaning that who you are today doesn’t have to be who you are tomorrow.

 

Don’t let your struggles or challenging times bring out a side in you that you dislike and allow it to define you, you can be the person you want to be and attract the type of relationship you want into your life you just have to first be honest and admit that you dislike yourself.

 

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Should You Get Back With Your Ex

You’ve recently split up with your partner, and this has left you feeling lost, confused and with a million and 1 questions as to why and what you could of done differently, but the biggest question you keep asking yourself is,

Should I get back with my ex?

Now this is definitely not black and white as every relationship and break up is different, so I want to help you understand what the right decision for you BOTH is.

I’ll give you a couple of minutes to put the kettle on and grab a pen and paper.

Are you sitting comfortably?

Now this may seem like a check list of pros and cons you’d make when buying a house or booking a holiday, but I promise you, this will help you come to the best decision moving forward.

The first question I want to help you understand is,

Why do I want to get back with my ex??

Do you want to get back with your ex because you feel lonely?

You’d stopped seeing your friends and gave everything to your partner and now they are no longer there you feel like you have no one……..

Do you want to get back with your ex out of habit?

you’ve spent every day speaking to them seeing them and planning your weekends together and now they are gone you don’t know what to do with yourself………

Do you want to get back with your ex because you felt comfortable with them?

You were together for so long that you felt completely comfortable being yourself around them, you could burp, fart act weird and be yourself and you now worry that no one will ever make you feel like that again……….

Do you want to get back with your ex because part of you feels a failure?

You are worried that other people will look at you and think ‘I told you so’ and you still want to prove them wrong………..

The next question I want you to think about is who ended the relationship and why?

If they ended the relationship part of you will feel like you want to get back with them because you feel rejected and you just want to feel wanted by them again.

If you ended the relationship then you will know exactly why you ended it so ask yourself will them issues still be there if I get back with them.

Alot to take in right but all of these things you’re now reflecting on are vitally important to come to a life changing decision and definitely should not be overlooked.

It can be so easy in a relationship to just go day to day without actually taking a step back and looking at it objectively and this is why people lose themselves because they get complacent and actually forget why they started the relationship in the first place.

I want you to really think about the layers of the relationship and understand what your relationship was built on.

  • Did you help eachother to become better people?
  • Did you bring out eachothers insecurities and work through them as a team?
  • Did you feel caged and controlled or free and limitless?
  • Was their more negative or more positive points in your relationship?
  • Could you see your dream life becoming a reality with this person?

This is where you really have to take yourself out of your own head and ask yourself are we truly compatible?

Now this has to be the hardest question to ask yourself and give a brutally honest answer…….

Am I giving them the happiness and the life they deserve or would we both be happier walking away and allowing eachother to find our true happiness and the person we are actually meant to be with?

Now this is something i’ve never really understood or believed, I suppose because deep down i’m a hopeless romantic and think that love should conquer all just like in the films, but i’ve had a year to really reflect and think about everything and i’ve come to the conclusion that actually sometimes love isn’t enough.

Now this is a hard pill to swallow when you’re madly in love with someone but I need to repeat this,

Sometimes love isn’t enough!

Love can be blind and even fucking stupid, you can make yourself believe things that if love wasn’t the main driver you wouldn’t even entertain that’s why I personally think that when a relationship breaks down you need to give yourselves enough time to cut contact (if possible) work on yourself and really reflect on these things otherwise love will talk you into something that might not be the best thing.

I completely understand how you will be feeling because i’ve had phases of wanting to get back with both of my exes, I love being in love and this is why i’ve only ever had 2 relationships because for me it has to be 110% genuine and because i’m more than happy in my own company if I have any doubts I just won’t pursue it.

Now this is something that you will hear a lot of people say but actually very few people are,

You have to be true to yourself………..

This can come down to fear of being on their own but I personally think it’s because they haven’t ever given themselves time to be on their own and learnt who they are and what they actually want from life and a relationship, instead they just rush in when someone shows them abit of attention.

When you get to a point where you are certain of what you want then you will know whether the right thing is to try and rekindle something with an ex.

So now how do you feel after going through all of these points and reflecting on your past relationship……….

It’s time to be brutally honest,

Do you now want to get back with your ex?

 

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The Curse Of The Positive Memory Syndrome

Why the fuck do you write these blogs?

(Well Natalie, firstly fuck you)

Well Natalie i’m very pleased you asked,

I think in life we get so caught up in the things we should do, like work, changing nappies, going to the gym, pursuing financial goals, that we forget to do things for no other reason than pure enjoyment,

Whether it’s playing video games,

Going for a kickabout up the field,

having a regular day catching up with the girls, gossiping about the new guy that has flagged up as an arsehole,

reading a book,

And for me, writing.

Writing is something that chills me out, and gives me a sense of freedom to express exactly how i’m feeling, for no other reason, than just getting it out of me, and onto my laptop screen with no expectation or fear of judgement,

Until……………

It came to writing this blog!

So I sat at my desk yesterday, opened my laptop, and loaded up my wordpress site………..

I sat there for over an hour trying to figure out a way to write a blog about missing someone, but not giving away the fact that I am actually missing someone,

Yes, you guessed it, it’s that fucking black widow again.

Did you know that their venom is considered one of the most poisonous, and although won’t necessarily kill a human it’s said that you will feel the effects long after the bite.

^^^ Very fitting!

And of course Scarlett Johansson mmmmmmmmmmmm I can’t wait for Avengers Infinity War in a couple of weeks!

So after not writing a single thing and not getting my blog out on blog day, I received a message from a friend, for the sake of this blog we will call her Becca.

So the message went something like this………..

So it’s blog day right………..

It is, but unfortunately I can’t bear to write a blog about missing someone when I still miss ‘her’

So why are you trying to force yourself to feel a certain way, you’re always so open and honest and if you feel like you can’t be with this one then change the blog.

Hit me like a tatty football to the face in the school playground on a cold January morning.

But she was right, why am I trying to cover up the fact that I still miss her??

This is exactly what my blogs are all about, being brutally and vulnerably honest for no other reason than its empowering for me, and if it resonates with someone then even better.

It’s almost like i’m ashamed to miss her, as if it’s some form of weakness.

None of us like to feel weak and powerless but missing someone and admitting to missing someone is no less than a strength in my opinion,

Let me explain….

Missing someone only proves that what you felt for them was real, and if you really loved them like you said you did, then this is only normal and shows just how much love you have to give, which I think is a strength,

Ever heard the phrase

‘how can you love someone and not love yourself??’

Again if you can love someone that much and you still miss them long after they are gone, then it just shows that you love yourself and are capable of giving that much love out.

Also if you can admit that you truly miss someone, not just when times are tough or you’ve had a shit day, but when you are happy and want to share whatever positive experience you’re having with them, then you are comfortable and confident in who you are to be vulnerable which again is another strength.

Unfortunately far too many of us are scared of looking vulnerable and weak through fear of being judged, all it does when you are being authentic and showing up as the real you is give everyone around you permission to also be themselves which creates much more of a stronger connection, not only to eachother but to yourselves aswell.

Remember life is all about connections.

Recently i’ve been having this dream over and over again and I don’t know whether there is something in it or whether i’m having that dream because I want it to happen and when i’m asleep I am slipping into the reality that I want rather than the one I have created when I open my eyes.

The thing is, i’m a hopeless romantic,  a soppy fucker if you will, but I am a firm believer in the universe giving us what we need when we need it and i’m currently trying to decipher if the dreams are the universes way of showing me something to almost pose the question,

Is this what you want…………

Truth is,

I don’t know.

Part of me feels like the last year had to happen (I can only speak for myself) in order for me to address some issues and insecurities I had and really understand what it is I want from life,

But the other part of me is thinking that served it’s purpose for both of us and it’s time to move on.

I haven’t been on a date for almost 8 months and definitely haven’t got emotionally attached to anyone and I know this is why i’m currently feeling like this because it’s got to the point now where i’m kind of on the edge of the platform,

Do I step back and continue to wait or do I step forward onto the train and allow it to take me to my next destination………

This is my biggest fear and if i’m completely honest scares the absolute crap out of me,

What if I step onto the train and then my dream becomes reality when i’m already on my new journey?

What if I step back and miss the train I should of stepped onto?

Unfortunately the only way I will know is to either do one or the other, after all that’s all I can do, react based on how i’m feeling today right at this very second and that’s all we can ever do, make a decision based on where we currently are now.

I have butterflies in my stomach as i’m sitting here typing this and just had to pause for 5 minutes to just stare out my window,

Do I know what I want?

Do we ever know what we want?

Everything around us right now is just an external picture of the choices we’ve made and continue to make every minute of every day.

Can I even face putting myself out there again potentially to end up in this same position writing another blog about the lessons i’ve learnt.

All that matters is right now, not yesterday, not tomorrow but now, right this very second because that is all we’ve got and that is all we will ever have, feel what you’re feeling, don’t force yourself to feel a certain way and just accept that you are doing the best you can do right now.

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