Are You Gay?

So I wanted to talk about something that over the last couple of years I’ve become very passionate about…


Probably because I grew up in a religious cult that conditions you to believe that homosexuals are Satan worshippers and a human beings sexuality is something to suppress and hide away. 


^^^ I don’t know, but maybe teaching young children that, may create some pretty deep rooted trauma?!


Anyway I digress…


‘The work’ for me has been a process of uncovering all the shame I have around sexuality (btw I’m not talking about what gender I am attracted to) and really bringing it to the surface, so I can see it for what it really is.


Shame = someone else’s opinion and judgement NOT your own. 


It’s been hard work and I’ve hurt a handful of people along the way,


Hurt people hurt people, right!


^^^ but that truth doesn’t let you off the hook so you can continually go about your life hurting people without any consequences.


The deeper ive gone into my shame instead of identifying with it, I’ve been able to see that underneath it all has always just been a little boy who believes that he is unlovable.


He was never taught that having sexual thoughts, desires and urges are all part of being a normal healthy human being.


So he tried his best to lock it away and hide it from the outside world,


Sometimes he was able to,


Other times it leaked out in unhealthy ways.


He was just trying his best with the tools he had at the time.


The more I’ve been able to take off the heavy layers of shame and give it back to who it belonged to the more I have uncovered new parts of myself.


It’s like I’m starting to see parts of me that even I was scared of looking at so I had always turned away.


I’ve began asking myself “what is it that you actually like or are curious about?” As a way to learn more about myself.


Being able to speak to myself the same way you’d speak to your best friend has been so healing for me.


And this is exactly why I want to share this message I received…


Btw this has nothing to do with the ‘sender’ and everything to do with the questions, comments, judgements behind the message.


Men’s sexuality is very often demonised.


For example just look at how women are now fully embracing their sexuality, talking about their WAP and posting half naked pictures on social media (which btw I feel is hugely empowering),


Then think about what stories and judgments would be put on a man for expressing his sexuality…


‘He’s creepy!’ Perhaps,


‘He’s just after sex!’ Perhaps,


‘He’s weird!’ Perhaps,


‘He’s gay!’ Perhaps,


Never would it be seen as a man stepping into his power!


Think about what these negative judgements do to a young boy…


Feeling ashamed of his sexuality and feeling like he has to suppress it,


This just perpetuates the toxic narrative that our sexuality is predatory and dangerous.


We all know what happens as a result of men not speaking out and feeling unable to express themselves.


Now think about the messages men have heard all their lives about being a ‘homo’ or ‘bent’


Its used as the ultimate insult!


Yet the messages around homosexuality in females, is again, empowering.


Men are terrified of being seen as gay or even slightly feminine because as much as people can spout #pride we all know that the #bekind is actually just a trend, instead of a way of life.


Men hide certain desires and curiosities through fear of being labelled as gay, even something non related like wearing some female underwear (like an item of clothing can dictate whether I like a penis or a vagina 🤷🏻‍♂️).


A female wearing a pair of ‘boys boxers’ aren’t labelled as gay to my knowledge?!


Imagine if all men were given permission to explore their sexuality the same way that now women are.


Women really are leading the way when it comes to sexual liberation!


I’d love it if men that want to or have experienced something sexually with another man,


Or

Occasionally like wearing female underwear…


Or anything else that they have curiosities around we’re able to speak openly, confidently and proudly instead of suppressing, denying and hiding.


We’re all terrified of being put in certain boxes yet we have a need to put others in boxes.


The only way we will ALL ever be able to step into who we really are, without a fear of rejection, is if we all individually look at where we are still judging others,


Because the judgements we have towards others are really mirrors showing us what we still judge ourselves for.


I’ve worked through enough of my ‘stuff’ and now with the support of my amazing fiancée I am ready to be that voice for men…


The permission slip they need to stop living in fear that someone might find out about that ‘little fumble’ 


Or ‘those messages’ they sent to that guy,


Or anything else they are fearful of people finding out about,


Because our sexuality is NOT something to be shamed, or demonised, or labelled in ANY way that perpetuates a narrative that stops men opening up.


Supporting men to open up and express themselves however they want to STOPS the cycle of shame that causes men to hide, deceive, act out and hurt others.


If hurt people, hurt people…
Then love and compassion are the antidote ❤️!


P.s. Gay straight or bisexual mean NOTHING,


The only label that matters is ‘HUMAN’ 


Much love,

Dan.

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