Now obviously this depends on whose asking the question, and whose answering the question…
If you use the law as your moral compass then I’d just remind you that slavery was legal less than 150 years ago.
And under British law rape can only be committed by a man,
Yep, you read that right, a woman can NOT rape a man as the definition of rape involves a penis penetrating a vagina mouth or anus.
So I’d say if the law is your moral compass then this blog WILL trigger the fuck out of you, but hey, if you have a growth mindset you already know that our triggers are a gift, that shine a light on the areas we still have a lot of work to do,
Now I really don’t like using the good or bad narrative, which is ironic because it’s consumed my whole life, since being conditioned at a young age to believe that me playing with my cock was worthy of death and a form of self abuse,
Yeah FUCK YOU Jehovahs Witnesses and your cult,
Triggered much Dan 😉,
My poor counsellor haha!!
The reason I don’t like viewing things that way is because nothing is ever as black and white as we might find ourselves judging it to be;
- You can enjoy a takeaway every now and then but every day would definitely not be ideal
- You can enjoy a bottle of wine or 2 every now and then but every evening would not be ideal
- You can have a day off training to relax and do nothing but every day would not be ideal
- You can watch tv or play video games but spending multiple hours on the sofa every day is not ideal
I like to try and feel what the driving force behind doing the thing/s is, and then we can make a conscious decision as to whether this is what we really want to do, or if I’m doing this to try and avoid doing something else;
For instance you might find yourself using tv as a way to distract you from your negative thoughts and your lack of self love,
You might be using relationships as a way to validate you, because deep down you are so scared that others will judge you the same way you are judging yourself, which is almost always you telling yourself you’re unworthy,
You might be using drink, drugs or food to mask the emotions that you don’t want to feel, because you are so deeply unhappy and disappointed with where you currently are in your life,
The other side of the coin could be you struggle to relax and get out of ‘doing mode’ so you sitting infront of the tv doing nothing is potentially what would benefit you,
You might be avoiding a relationship because deep down you don’t feel worthy of someone loving you, and therefore a relationship could be where the next step is,
You’ve been using work and productivity for validation, and judge anyone and everyone that go outs and lets loose, therefore that’s exactly where your trigger is, and maybe going out and letting your hair down might help you take some of that pressure of yourself.
Now as humans we have a tendency to shame and judge those behaviours that we have engaged in that we are either trying to work through, or have stopped engaging in, a great example of this is someone who used to smoke quite heavily, and now hates the smell of smoke on others, because it reminds them of themselves, and they have not yet managed to work through their feelings of judgement towards themselves.
I found myself doing this a couple of years ago when I was trying to get out of the habit or the feeling of ‘I want to go and get fucked up’ and if I wrote this blog 18 months ago it would of read completely differently.
Now I hope I’ve managed to help you at the very least, be more open minded when it comes to cocaine in which case I think this brings me nicely to,
Reasons people might use cocaine;
Now obviously I’m not going to list hundreds, but I will try and list the ones that have been a big part in my coke use throughout the years, and some others that I know will resonate with some of you reading this.
- Human beings have a need to fit in, and whenever we feel like were being outcast we will ‘fight’ to get back in. You could be out with your mates and everyone is doing coke and this night you don’t want to, but as the night goes on you feel like you are more and more ‘on the outside’ and finally decide that ‘i’ll just have a line’ which of course we all know is NEVER ‘just a line.’
- People say that alcohol is a great drug to improve confidence ‘abit of the old dutch courage’ but cocaine absolutely destroys alcohol in a confidence cock fight, combine the 2 and now you’re fucking invincible!
- Remove sexual inhibitions, if you’ve ever had sex on cocaine you’ll know exactly what I mean but basically all those ‘don’t do that, don’t say that, don’t request that, don’t don’t don’t… yeah they disappear, shame gets a royal kick in the balls (maybe that’s your thing and if it is coke is a great way to enjoy it shame free).
- If you’re anything like me then you have a rebellious teenager doing whatever he can to be seen and heard inside of you (not in that way you disturbed human being). For me this has been a huge part of my life what with growing up in a such a controlling cult, anything that makes me feel even slightly constricted will have me fighting that teenager and trying to calm him down.
- Now this may sound really out there… but cocaine can be used purely for enjoyment, no trying to avoid or run away or feed into some sort of psychological reprogramming, people may take coke because they enjoy it the same as someone may watch porn when they masturbate (and there is plenty of judgements aimed at porn watching, remember… triggers and all that 😉)
Now there are so many arguments that you may have right now but again I would invite you to just question every single thought you have and find the origin of said thought.
I’m definitely not saying that coke is good nor am I saying that it is bad,
Am I saying that I will never do coke again, absolutely not…
Am I saying that I want to do coke every weekend again, absolutely not…
But what I am saying is that we have full ownership over what we choose to do and instead of demonising anything try to look at what the driving force is behind it, and if you find yourself so emotionally charged about someone using cocaine remember…
that is where YOUR work is.
We cannot tell someone what they should or shouldn’t do based on an emotional bias, because we are then only acting out of a trigger and projecting that onto someone else, as a way to avoid doing the work ourselves to release attachment around that thing.
Now I’ve not really told you my opinion on cocaine but even though this is unsolicited I’ll treat you to it anyway 😉 …
I personally have a love hate relationship with it,
On one hand I absolutely love how it has enabled me to experience things that I didn’t have the confidence to experience at the time, and also it really has helped me build close friendships with a small handful of people. It also helped me through a really tough time a few years ago (sometimes we use substances/things etc because we feel like we don’t have anything else at our disposal and therefore at the time it actually serves us)
On the other hand it has caused me to act in ways that I’m definitely not proud of and I have caused a lot of hurt in the past due to me being intoxicated on cocaine.
My personal opinion on it right now as I sit here this very second is, it can be a great addition to a social setting as long as the user is in control and NOT the substance in control of the user, but I would say it takes a fair bit of work to get to that point and definitely a great deal of awareness to be able to use it so consciously.
I think if I was trying to help someone understand why someone they love is using it I would first of all advise them to open up a space of compassion and understanding and communicate in a way that is NON judgemental and critical, but purely as a way to break down any walls in your communication with the intention of learning more about your partner, because as soon as you come at it as I WANT YOU/MY PARTNER TO STOP DOING COKE BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL X,Y,Z and as a way for you to take a self righteous stance then I promise you, you will lose in all senses.
If you got with your partner doing something then do NOT try to mould them into what you think is the best version of them, by telling them that you want them to stop, that is NOT loving them for who they are that is loving them for who you think they have the potential of being.
We often dress this form of love up as ‘i’m doing it for their best interests’ but I would challenge that and say that you are doing it because you are not able to set and hold boundaries, and the fear of being alone is actually far greater which means that it’s easier for you to try and control who your partner is, while having zero consequences for the things that you actually don’t want in a relationship, which as we all know is where resentment rears it’s ugly head.
ALWAYS try and use your partner as a mirror for your own ‘stuff’ before you go straight into ‘I need to defend myself’ and as fucking hard as it is, this is the ultimate form of self love, because whatever that trigger is in the moment, it’s asking you to see it and love it NOT project it (avoid it).
I hope if anything this has triggered you, and you are now questioning that trigger, and allowing yourself to sit with it instead of being overpowered by your ego, that is telling you ‘your beliefs are fact, and this is a direct attack to them’ resulting in fight or flight.
Gift yourself the time, the energy, the compassion to see the ways in which you have reacted towards things in the past as you doing your best and as soon as you know better you do better 😊.