How To Get Over An Ex

First of all I want you to take 3 deeps breaths, you’re going to breath in through your nose for a count of 4, hold for a count of 3-4 and then breathe out for a count of 4.

Breathe in…

Hold…

Breathe out…

Breathe in…

Hold…

Breathe out…

Breathe in…

Hold…

Breathe out…

You should now be feeling centred, relaxed and present which is something you have been struggling with since the breakup,

Am I right?

I know this because I too have been in your position a few years back, the constant noise in your head and unable to shake the feelings of unworthiness while clinging on to the hope that everything will be ok.

You probably stumbled across this blog with the intention of learning how to get over your ex all while secretly knowing you don’t want to,

*NEWSFLASH

YOU can’t hide from YOU.

But MY intention behind putting this out in to the big wide web and infront of your eyes is to help you question what it is you’re doing, and really start bridging the gap between what you say you want and what you are doing, so you can become the Queen B of your life, all the single ladies dah dah daaahhhh.

Ok right let’s get to it!

Breakups are possibly (depending how invested you were) one of the most painful things you will ever go through, they shake you to your core and leave you questioning everything,

What did I do wrong?

What could I of done better?

Why was I not good enough?

Will I ever be loved like that again?

But once you start consciously choosing to work through the breakup, and being far more intentional about where you are investing time and energy, you will begin noticing just how transformational this chapter of your life is.

Now obviously there are exceptions to these and of course you can tell me I’m wrong or even quote some Game Of Thrones “You know nothing, Jon Snow” and that is entirely your prerogative but I invite you to firstly look inside, and see if you can find any truth in what you are reading.

So without further ado I bring to you my top 3 don’ts when struggling with a breakup.

  1. Indirectly trying to get your exes attention. This could be going to places you know your ex will be in the hope of bumping into them, writing a post on social media explaining how you’re now know longer going to do x,y or z (you know that thing your ex didn’t like you doing) or posting endless pictures of you partying with the intention of trying to make your ex jealous. Now these are a few subtle cries but the biggest one here that deserves a lot of love directed inward is the messages or kind gestures towards your ex to show them that you still love and care about them. This for me was a pattern I have found myself in a couple of times, but since working through a lot of ‘stuff’ I realised that was my way of trying to prove that I had something amazing to offer them, the harsh truth is that if you are feeling the need to make grand gestures then you are subconsciously telling yourself you are not worthy as you are.
  2. Jumping straight into another relationship. Now reading this one might be very triggering and cause you to energetically send profanities my way but bear with me here. A longterm relationship can impact your identity in a way that you might not of considered but I have a couple of things here for you to ponder on. Is the fact I’m single bringing up feelings of ‘I don’t know who I am’ due to the identity you’ve built around you being in a relationship? Or has your new found single life created fear around you being on your own because you are someone that always needs to be around someone? Both of these are going to be very challenging to work through but jumping straight into another relationship from a place of fear will create far more problems, and will prevent you from connecting with someone who really lights up your soul.
  3. Exchange sex for validation of worthiness. This is probably the most common and was definitely a big part of my healing process, but as soon as you start trading things for something that feels like the thing you really want, then you are again subconsciously telling yourself that you don’t deserve what it is you truly want. Now I am by no means saying DO NOT go out and have sex but what I am saying is be very intentional about your reasons for having sex. So if what you’re actually wanting is physical touch, a cuddle, some company then ask yourself, how can I begin matching my behaviours to my desires and when you can really become aware of the choices you’re making, you can begin taking back control, instead of leaving you feeling used while harbouring feelings of unworthiness.

Now I want you to think for a few seconds, what one of those three while reading them created a bigger response (an anxious feeling in your stomach, a sudden rush of heat, a feeling of defensiveness) in my body?

This is where you are most out of alignment and are really being called to love that part of yourself.

So my suggestion is to take things slow…

What can you do right now that will improve your life today?

It might be cancelling that night out and instead spend the evening taking care of yourself so you can wake up feeling energised and refreshed (a clue here is when was the last time you stayed in on your own at the weekend and prioritised self care)

It might be asking yourself, is this person I’m spending a lot of time with someone that I would spend a lot of time with if I truly loved myself? and then getting really clear on the truth instead of overthinking the stories you are attaching to that question.

It might be making a commitment to yourself to stop sharing your body with anyone for *insert a timeframe that feels aligned and right for you.

As I mentioned at the start of this, it is absolutely your prerogative to disregard any or all of this, but if any of this has resonated, or made you question your current thoughts or behaviours then I’d love to hear what insights you have had.

But most of all I want you to know that although right now you are struggling, and things feel like they are too much for you, you are loved unconditionally just by being here now, and when you lose sight of that, just reach out to someone that is a permanent in your life, nothing comes close to a cuddle or an I love you from your mum 😊.

Sending you love,

Dan.

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