If this is you then you may find yourself expressing doubts concerning the veracity of this blog and every part of your being might want to kick ten tons of shit out of the writer,
A 31 year old love addict who just wants to empower and inspire you through open blogs and vulnerable public conversations with his amazing girlfriend so you can have the relationship you want and deserve.
So, intro done, I want to take you for a ride, a ride that begins with me and you looking into your current relationship to understand whether you have in fact been chosen just to take on the role of the ego stroker,
Sounds like a backstreet knocking shop doesn’t it, but unfortunately this kind of stroking doesn’t get you paid.
Now i’m definitely no Sigmund Freud but before we dive head first into your relationship I want to explain a little bit about the ego.
Pay attention or you may get the board rubber treatment that I got when I was not listening and i’ll tell you what, A board rubber bouncing off your table and hitting you square in the chest is enough to grab your attention until the bell rang for end of class.
The ego is the component of personality that is responsible for dealing with reality. According to Freud the ego develops from the id and ensures that the impulses of the id can be expressed in a manner acceptable to the real world. The ego functions in both the conscious, preconscious and unconscious mind.
Now let me break this down into real terms for you.
The ego is there to keep us safe and is always on the lookout for any perceived danger.
You know that gut wrenching feeling you get when you have to speak in public or have to engage in any activity that takes you out of your comfort zone, well your ego is telling you not to do it because people will laugh at you, you’ll look stupid, you won’t be very good etc etc, but thisis not a negative thing because the ego is only their to keep you safe. Think back to cavemen times and how dangerous going out hunting woolly mammoth could be, you definitely wouldn’t want to have zero fear and be without the voices in your head telling you to be careful because you’d more than likely be ripped from limb to limb.
As well as keeping you safe the ego also wants to take credit for everything, the ego wants to be loved, praised, worshipped and adored. imagine writing a blog and getting no likes, positive comments or interaction at all, your ego will begin to tell you you’re writing isn’t good enough and that you should quit because it only wants you to engage in things that feel good.
The ego isn’t good or bad it just is, and it’s up to us to be in control of our ego and not allow it to control us.
Now good ol’ Sigmund and his sidekick Professor Reader have left the room we can continue on and unpack your current relationship.
I am genuinely here to hold your hand as you navigate the depths of your relationship so you can have a birds eye view of whether or not your partner genuinely loves you unconditionally and holds your wants and needs just as high as his own.
As I reflect on to you my shield of love we can now begin.
Before you met how long had he been single and does he have a history of relationship hopping?
When you first met how were you treated?
Were you praised, adored, complimented, couldn’t keep his hands off you, wanted to be around you 24/7, shown off to his friends,
Were you kept behind closed doors, never invited out with him, only saw him on his terms, only really heard from him if it was something to do with sex?
A few months into the relationship were you feeling closer to him and far less uncertain about where the relationship is heading,
Have you still not really opened up to eachother and you often find he will belittle you so you now feel unworthy of being with him?
A year down the line and one of the very few times he has asked you to go out with him he tells you how amazing you look and how excited he is for date night,
He tells you what to wear and how to have your hair and makeup because he says he wants you ‘both to look good when you go out?’
Are there any patterns so far?
The reason why I ask you these questions is because unfortunately not everyones motives are pure and although you might think that your relationship is ok until you actually begin to look at things without the baggage of all your emotions it’s so easy to be blinded, trust me, i’ve been there!
The hierarchy of a relationship can be a driving factor for someone with low self worth and deep rooted insecurities,
A bloke (could also be a woman) may go in search of a girl that appears to be weak so that he is the dominant one in the relationship and she feels ‘lucky’ or beneath him which usually means he can pretty much get away with whatever the fuck he wants.
A woman (could also be a bloke) may go in search of someone that isn’t in her opinion that attractive because she doesn’t feel like she deserves better. This can be particularly dangerous because there will be very little physical intimacy which will leave a huge void in the relationship.
Being with someone that you wholeheartedly see on the same level as you can actually be quite intimidating because someone who is independent, strong and self assured WILL NOT be manipulated, controlled or belittled but if you both commit to be the best version of yourself then the foundations of the relationship are already far stronger than one of which needs reassurance and ego stroking.
We have a duty not only to ourselves but also our partners to be the best version of ourselves so we don’t take too much unnecessary energy out of the relationship to fight for reassurance and constant praise and validation.
Once you have done the work required and NOT got into a relationship hoping that you can just bypass the work and be filled with reassurance, niceties and compliments this is the the most powerful position to be in when it comes to attracting a genuine, loving partner, because the old adage law of attraction states we only attract what we are and you CANNOT trick the universe into giving you what you want without actually being what you want first.
Self love, is always the most important place to start!