Very few of us ever become a master of anything, because to master something, you have to be so dedicated that you will do whatever it takes to get to the top of ‘your game,’ and for most, this level of commitment is seen as selfish,
I want to impose on you an alternative, a paradox if you will, where your mind will begin questioning whether or not you are indeed, a master of manipulation.
Now I don’t want to use the kind of terminology you’d hear from a hugely respected athlete that has come to the end of their career, and whose life’s mission is now to inspire and influence others to achieve greatness,
But instead, authored by a 31 year old man sat infront of his laptop, in a vest and a scruffy pair of ‘lounging shorts’ whose life’s mission is to provoke thought, and inspire change, so you can visualise and experience an amazingly fulfilling life outside of societies little cage.
Well put on your big gender neutral pants and follow me in to the fray…
Tread carefully my little apprentice for the ground is treacherous as we embark on our first mission…
Apprentice level 1: Do I look fat in this?
You’ve got a meal out planned with a few friends and their partners and as always the painstaking process of ‘operation queen’ begins hours before you’re due to go out.
a couple of hours later, you fearfully walk towards the flight of stairs as you try to pluck up the courage to make the climb…
The sound of ‘it’s raining men’ bellows into your ears as you are met with the intense smell of perfume, sweat and tears,
Every fibre of your being is telling you to retreat back to the sofa as you are hit with the apocalyptic feeling of deja vu, but for the greater good you trundle on.
You walk into The Lovemaking Quarters, where you are faced with a beautiful lady fighting with an equally beautiful garment, just as you were about to intervene the battle is won, and your beautiful lady turns around and utters the most earth-shatteringly feared words of all…
‘Do I look fat in this?’
You take a huge gulp and swallow back down your pounding heart as you wipe the sweat from your brow.
Although you think it’s not the most flattering how can you let her know this without her taking it personally and refusing to go out?
‘No, you look lovely’ as the weight of the world has just removed itself from your shoulders.
>>> LEVEL 1 COMPLETE <<<
That was a close call but don’t get complacent now that was just the beginning.
Putting on your mask: level 2
This is probably the most important of all, to hide your true identity,
Let the lesson begin!
You lift your left foot up, and just before you can put it infront of your right foot, you are immediately transported back in time to when you first met your partner.
You’ve got a jd and coke in your hand and vision impairment goggles over your eyes.
You see a stunning girl over at the bar ordering her drink, and in your drunken courageous state you decide to do the peacock walk over to her, puffing your chest out in the hope you can bag a date, or at the very least a phone number.
Obviously this is the stereotypical ‘good looking girls end up with dickheads’ because through your egotistical ‘trying to be alpha’ persona, you managed to persuade her to go on a date with you.
You wake up the next day with a mouth as dry as *insert a filthy metaphor and the sense of conflict bigger than the battle of Winterfell…
Do you show up as the deep thinking, polite emotional man that you are, or do you show up as the alpha, egotistical man that got you the date in the first place?
*Sidenote, think about every area of your life where you have to interact with people,
You hear the words of your master in your ears ‘this is probably the most important of all, to hide your true identity’
Before you have time to ponder anymore, you are catapulted into the exact moment before you walk out the door to go on your date…
I MUST NOT appear as my true vulnerable self, and with that thought you put on your mask, and walk out your front door.
>>> LEVEL 2 COMPLETE <<<
Awesome work soldier, now this next phase will grant you Master status!
Are you ready to become the Master Manipulator whose ninja like in stealth never truly being seen or heard?
Society conformity: Level 3
Suit up partner, this is where it could all come crashing down and you could giveaway your true identity.
You’ve been in a relationship for *insert how long, and you are happy, content and excited to continue creating a future together, but recently your sex life has become vanilla and routined at best, that’s when you are actually fortunate enough to have sex.
You’ve been watching more and more porn in private, and often find yourself fantasising about other people.
The last few weeks have had you scouring the internet for alternatives, as you DO NOT want to go behind your partners back and cheat on them.
You soon find blogs from couples and relationship experts that talk about consensual non monogamy, this begins to bring up a flurry of emotions that you’ve never had to explore,
Could I have sex with someone else guilt free even knowing my partner gave consent,
Could I deal with the fact my partner slept with someone else and not take it as a personal attack,
Could I deal with all the awkward conversations and judgements from friends, family and anyone that felt they were entitled to an opinion,
As the days go by and the sex is becoming a bigger issue and bringing up feelings such as resentment and frustration the thought about this whole consensual non monogamy begins to get louder.
You fear that if you openly communicate about this then you will hurt your partner and potentially end up losing someone you love,
You also fear that by not communicating openly and honestly then you aren’t showing up as your true self and this can only mean one thing…
Your partner doesn’t love the real you, only the version that you are allowing your partner to see.
Do you ask for advice from people who will only give you back their emotional biases and insecurities,
Do you speak to the person you love in order to be able to go another layer deep in your relationship and connect on a far deeper level,
I want you to think about your sex life now and ask yourself ‘am I showing up as the true me, or am I only sharing the parts of my self that I know are safe and easier to ‘love”
Is your partner a possession of yours or are you individuals supporting eachother to become the best versions of themselves and giving yourself permission to explore every part of your desires and curiosities?
It’s crunch time son…
Master status or removing your mask and identifying yourself?
In life we have a few constants but none greater than to tell your truth or to ultimately manipulate.
Every time you choose to hide your truth no matter how big or small you are falling into the manipulator role, trying to manage someone else’s feelings is a recipe for disaster and an unfulfilled life where you’re only teetering on the edge of all the amazing possibilities out there for yourself.
When you tell your truth it allows others the chance to really see you instead of a facade that you portray.
Your life is exactly that, YOURS and if you aren’t being true to yourself then your pushing people away from you that really should be in your life and attracting people that maybe shouldn’t be playing as big a role as they currently do.
NEVER stop exploring your personality and ALWAYS communicate your truth because who knows, by not having a potentially uncomfortable conversation you might be stopping your relationships from becoming something you have always wanted.
Do you want 110% real genuine people in your life?
Then first you need to become 110% real and genuine!
Assumptions only make an ass out of you and me 😉
To unbecome anything you have to first realise what you have become.
Since i’ve been communicating openly and honestly i’ve attracted someone into my life that pushes me to be the best I can be, and this allows for a relationship built on something far greater than just societies mould of what a relationship should look like, where we can both explore parts of ourselves that we’ve never felt comfortable before.