We all would like to think of ourselves as kind, caring, thoughtful, human beings that have zero flaws and are always right… unfortunately that is not the case and never will be the case and this blog is going to explain and hopefully provoke some thought as to why.
As imperfect humans we have become masters at creating defence mechanisms so we don’t come across as the bad guy and instead we opt for things like taking on the role as a victim even if we are the one in the wrong.
We are Derren Brownesque manipulators and use all sorts of justifications, explanations and excuses to protect our behaviour, some of us have got that good at it that we actually believe these bullshit stories and justifications as to why we acted a certain way instead of just holding our hands up and admitting that we fucked up.
Now I want you to think about the things you’ve done in the past that you said you would never do again…
I’m going to get you to think about the types of labels we are given based on a negative action we have taken.
The first one is someone that got convicted of a murder and served 25 years in prison, once he is released is he labelled a murderer or does that label now leave him as he’s served the time for the crime…???
The second one is a cheat, this person cheated in a previous relationship and is now entering a new relationship, is this person still labelled a cheat because of his/her actions in a previous relationship…???
The third is a pisshead (my use of the word pisshead is defining someone who gets pissed atleast once a week) who decides to limit their drinking to once a month, do they keep the label a pisshead…???
As humans it’s in our nature to be very judgemental and hypocritical and look at things very black and white which in my opinion has no real place in society.
If you’ve followed my blog since day 1 then you’ll know that I cheated in a previous long term relationship and I had a very hard time dealing with the guilt afterwards (using my defence mechanism to soften the blow of the full force of consequences I deserved). Now do I continue to keep the label of a cheat or do I have to prove that i’m not and if that’s the case what is the timeframe in which I have to prove myself for??
The murderer that is now out of prison should also be able to drop the label of a murderer if I am able to drop the label of a cheat, if he/she doesn’t kill anyone again and I don’t cheat again then these ‘laws’ need to be exactly the same right across the board?!
My next argument I would like you to think about is one of self growth.
I have dedicated a lot of time to self development and who I am now is certainly no longer who I was a year ago let alone when I cheated. My morals, values and beliefs are completely different and i’m much more open-minded to things that I would of been very black and white about before.
One of the most important things to self growth is visualising the type of person you want to become and adopting that persons belief systems, morals, values and work ethic so you begin to think how the type of person you want to become would think, i suppose it’s a similar premise to that of ‘fake it until you make it’ but nonetheless will disable you from identifying yourself as that label you had from that act of negative behaviour/s.
The long and short of it is that person that murdered someone 25 years ago has undertaken the deepest most transformative amount of self growth that they are worlds apart from the person they used to be.
I’m not going to share my opinion on this although i’m sure you can probably guess what it is as I want you to try and think about this without having any external influences.
I just want to digress and say that the excuses, justifications and explanations we use to protect our negative behaviour/s although could potentially be true, still DOES NOT mean that we have the right to take ownership of the victim label, a perpetrator does not deserve to take anymore away from their victim!
*Sidenote if you believe that the person that murdered someone always remains a murderer then with this belief system you too remain a,
and anything else that you perceive as negative that you have partaken in atleast once.
More often than not if you have cheated, done drugs, smoked, drunk too much etc you actually become even more judgemental towards those that are currently doing one of these things that you no longer do and I actually think that if it’s coming from a place of love because you know how detrimental these behaviours are then the label ‘a hypocrite’ is possibly a pretty good label to have to help inspire change.
I would really love to hear your thoughts on ‘the murderer’ and your reasons why :)!