If you follow my blog you will know that this is just my platform to be completely honest, open and raw, in the hope that it helps someone realise that they are not alone, and in fact every single one of us has struggles and fears, and being vulnerable is massively important to start attracting the type of people and relationships into your life that you actually want, and not just surface interactions.
Now you might be wandering what the fuck I mean when I say disliking yourself is a necessity of life……….
Well, I invite you to take a trip with me down the rabbit hole where I will divulge my own personal experiences and feelings on this matter.
So, bumpy ride wasn’t it, sorry about that, but now you’re here lets make a pact,
Anything you’re struggling with right now, that you can control, I want you to promise me you will really think about how you can improve the situation, and take an action to move you towards that……….
*online pinky promise
One thing you may hear a lot that really frustrates me is ‘as long as you’re happy’
Now if happiness is the most important thing, then why are there rehabs for alcoholics and drug addicts, because when they have a drink in their hand, or a line rattling through their nostrils, they will be in their happy place and nothing else matters in that moment.
The last 12 months I have been having this internal battle of wanting to be happy long term and doing things that make me happy in the moment.
I am at my absolute happiest when I am on my own, either walking in nature, by the sea, or sitting in a tea room drinking coffee eating cake and planning my next blog, but the biggest paradox in my life is I want to be in love, and create a life with someone, a partner in crime is my way of explaining it, someone I can share my biggest secrets and desires and weaknesses with and know that they are still going to be there, deep down we all have a set of expectations and a check list if you will of the things that are non-negotiable when it comes to a relationship, but this is where so many people get this the wrong way round.
After being in a really shit place from my last relationship I attached myself to something that allowed me to look at things abit differently,
So I could be happy in the moment and not let any feelings or emotions get in the way cocaine very quickly became my go to every single weekend.
I go out drinking and sniffing coke on a Saturday because as much as I love my own company, too much of anything can be a negative, and we all want to socialise and connect with people deep down.
Why cocaine has been a big part of me getting over my ex and putting that in the past, is because it creates a shield for me, a big fuck off piece of armour that defends my true feelings and emotions and lets me see women in one way.
Now if you’ve read any of my other blogs you’ll know why sex and passion are massively important for me, and cocaine enables me to almost objectify women so I don’t have to feel anything other than the obvious, now this is where the title of this blog comes from……….
The next day (99% of Sundays) I hate myself because I am potentially ruining any real sort of connections by objectifying them rather than interacting as the best version of myself just because I have had this wall up for over a year and I’m scared of falling in love again.
Now what so many of us do, is start looking for someone while we’re in this negative place to almost rescue us, but the truth is no one is coming to rescue you from yourself, you have to become the type of person that attracts that relationship into your life, remember like attracts like.
Now my dilemma isn’t the fact that I have been doing cocaine, because I really don’t have an issue with that I personally think alcohol can be far worse, but rather the fact that I have befriended it as a way of shutting the real me away.
The last few weeks I have felt myself regaining control, and the power shifting more in favour of choosing to do what I do at the weekend, rather than feeling like I have to do what I’ve been doing, thing is, everything can be used in a negative way even something that you would see as a positive so its about really understanding and reflecting on why you are doing something and asking yourself ‘am I in control or is this thing in control of me?’
The reason I am so grateful for the fact that I dislike myself on a Sunday is because it flicks a switch in me to go back to being the Dan that I am proud of and the Dan that is always striving for self growth so he can be more and do more for other people, if my only mission in life was to be happy I would continue to get intoxicated every weekend, objectifying women and never really finding that person I want to create a life with.
We all have parts of our personality that we dislike, and that is a positive, because it will always leave room for exploration and growth meaning that who you are today doesn’t have to be who you are tomorrow.
Don’t let your struggles or challenging times bring out a side in you that you dislike and allow it to define you, you can be the person you want to be and attract the type of relationship you want into your life you just have to first be honest and admit that you dislike yourself.