You’ve recently split up with your partner, and this has left you feeling lost, confused and with a million and 1 questions as to why and what you could of done differently, but the biggest question you keep asking yourself is,
Should I get back with my ex?
Now this is definitely not black and white as every relationship and break up is different, so I want to help you understand what the right decision for you BOTH is.
I’ll give you a couple of minutes to put the kettle on and grab a pen and paper.
Are you sitting comfortably?
Now this may seem like a check list of pros and cons you’d make when buying a house or booking a holiday, but I promise you, this will help you come to the best decision moving forward.
The first question I want to help you understand is,
Why do I want to get back with my ex??
Do you want to get back with your ex because you feel lonely?
You’d stopped seeing your friends and gave everything to your partner and now they are no longer there you feel like you have no one……..
Do you want to get back with your ex out of habit?
you’ve spent every day speaking to them seeing them and planning your weekends together and now they are gone you don’t know what to do with yourself………
Do you want to get back with your ex because you felt comfortable with them?
You were together for so long that you felt completely comfortable being yourself around them, you could burp, fart act weird and be yourself and you now worry that no one will ever make you feel like that again……….
Do you want to get back with your ex because part of you feels a failure?
You are worried that other people will look at you and think ‘I told you so’ and you still want to prove them wrong………..
The next question I want you to think about is who ended the relationship and why?
If they ended the relationship part of you will feel like you want to get back with them because you feel rejected and you just want to feel wanted by them again.
If you ended the relationship then you will know exactly why you ended it so ask yourself will them issues still be there if I get back with them.
Alot to take in right but all of these things you’re now reflecting on are vitally important to come to a life changing decision and definitely should not be overlooked.
It can be so easy in a relationship to just go day to day without actually taking a step back and looking at it objectively and this is why people lose themselves because they get complacent and actually forget why they started the relationship in the first place.
I want you to really think about the layers of the relationship and understand what your relationship was built on.
- Did you help eachother to become better people?
- Did you bring out eachothers insecurities and work through them as a team?
- Did you feel caged and controlled or free and limitless?
- Was their more negative or more positive points in your relationship?
- Could you see your dream life becoming a reality with this person?
This is where you really have to take yourself out of your own head and ask yourself are we truly compatible?
Now this has to be the hardest question to ask yourself and give a brutally honest answer…….
Am I giving them the happiness and the life they deserve or would we both be happier walking away and allowing eachother to find our true happiness and the person we are actually meant to be with?
Now this is something i’ve never really understood or believed, I suppose because deep down i’m a hopeless romantic and think that love should conquer all just like in the films, but i’ve had a year to really reflect and think about everything and i’ve come to the conclusion that actually sometimes love isn’t enough.
Now this is a hard pill to swallow when you’re madly in love with someone but I need to repeat this,
Sometimes love isn’t enough!
Love can be blind and even fucking stupid, you can make yourself believe things that if love wasn’t the main driver you wouldn’t even entertain that’s why I personally think that when a relationship breaks down you need to give yourselves enough time to cut contact (if possible) work on yourself and really reflect on these things otherwise love will talk you into something that might not be the best thing.
I completely understand how you will be feeling because i’ve had phases of wanting to get back with both of my exes, I love being in love and this is why i’ve only ever had 2 relationships because for me it has to be 110% genuine and because i’m more than happy in my own company if I have any doubts I just won’t pursue it.
Now this is something that you will hear a lot of people say but actually very few people are,
You have to be true to yourself………..
This can come down to fear of being on their own but I personally think it’s because they haven’t ever given themselves time to be on their own and learnt who they are and what they actually want from life and a relationship, instead they just rush in when someone shows them abit of attention.
When you get to a point where you are certain of what you want then you will know whether the right thing is to try and rekindle something with an ex.
So now how do you feel after going through all of these points and reflecting on your past relationship……….
It’s time to be brutally honest,
Do you now want to get back with your ex?