The Past Relationship Victim

This is something I genuinely feel needs to be addressed by every single one of us, we’ve all been hurt in the past as i’m sure we’ve also all hurt someone in the past, intentionally or unintentionally, I truly believe this would save so much stress and heartache if you didn’t feel scared of being on your own.

From couples holidays to cosy nights in with a romantic M and S dine in for 2 everything just makes you feel like a loser for being on your own,


This is because you see being single as a negative and your first response is to meet someone as quickly as possible.

As soon as you become single you will instantly feel ‘lost’ you’ve been in a routine for a period of time and now you have all this freedom it can become quite daunting, NOW is the time to reflect on your past relationship, and think about the things that triggered emotions in you that you don’t like, and really understand why you felt that way and work on solutions so that you become a better person, not just for yourself, but also in your next relationship.

For me I had this self worth issue that used to torment me at night when I felt like I couldn’t financially ‘keep’ her, i’ve worked on this a lot and will not let myself get fully emotionally involved with anyone until I feel like i’ve done the work required so I never feel like that again.

I think from a young age boys have been taught they need to grow up and be the providers so I know it’s a pride thing but society is changing to not stigmatise any of the roles in heterosexual relationships although personally I am still kind of old fashioned.

You might find yourself getting upset or causing an argument every time your partner goes out without you, now this is obviously your insecurity and you need to deal with this.

Your partners job might make you feel insecure, so you begin to make them feel guilty for choosing that career path.

whatever it is that you feel causes you to feel insecure in your relationship, you have to remember that this is an emotion that you are in control of, it is just going to take some work to not let it negatively impact your relationship.

Imagine meeting someone that is literally besotted by you and worships the ground you walk on but you constantly question why,

You are getting ready to go out for dinner together, and he says how amazing you look, but all you do is reply “no I don’t I feel horrible” this is such hard work for someone to constantly have their compliments pushed aside and almost made to feel like they are in the wrong.

Think about the type of person you want to meet,

Do you want to meet someone who is insecure?

Do you want to meet someone with no confidence?

Do you want to meet someone who is bitter because of their past relationships?

I would expect that these aren’t traits that you look for in a partner so why would anyone want to be with you if this is exactly how you’re feeling?


You can jump from relationship to relationship never really growing as a person, but do you want to go through life never meeting that special someone that you could meet when you are the best version of yourself, and then grow through life together continually becoming better and pushing eachother to become everything you’ve both dreamed of?!

As I sit here 22:10 on a Tuesday evening reflecting I realise that everything that has happened in my life, every mistake i’ve made and the hurt i’ve felt has all had meaning and purpose to it and is setting me up for the next chapter in my life.

I’ve been single for almost a year now, and I genuinely do miss having someone to share everything with, but i’m also at the point where things will really start to flag up for me very quickly, and put me off getting emotionally involved, because if I don’t feel like I could live my life and grow into the person I know I am and want to become, then I won’t put the energy or effort in because i’m in no rush.

The unexpected friendships i’ve made over this last year, and the things i’ve experienced and learnt about myself, have made me feel like I now have a type, i’ve never really felt like I had a type other than certain physical attributes but now for me the list of boxes that have to be ticked are growing, and I honestly don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not, but I do believe that if you are meant to be with someone then the universe will bring you together, and keep bringing you together until you act on it.

Stop relationship hopping and looking for someone to complete you, as lonely as it gets at times always remember what you want and NEVER settle!

Use this period to address the issues that terrorised you when you were in a relationship,IMG_6344 and become a much better person so you start naturally attracting the type of people you do want in your life.

Always remember that what you are and what you put out into the universe will come back to you, if you are confident and happy then guess what will find it’s way into your life………



3 thoughts on “The Past Relationship Victim

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