A lot of people have this misconception that being lonely is about being alone, and if you are a ‘busy’ person with a lot of people in your life you can’t or don’t have the right to be lonely.
I suppose we all have our own individual definition of what loneliness is, but for me it’s a feeling of not fitting in or belonging anywhere.
I’m lucky enough to have a lot of amazing people in my life, and I know if I really wanted some company it would only be a text away, but, the reality of loneliness is very isolating and is a constant battle of feeling lonely but keeping yourself isolated because you either don’t want to feel like a burden or you don’t feel like your understood and therefore it’s easier to isolate yourself which just reaffirms this vicious cycle of, I’m all alone.
If we look at loneliness on a deeper level there is a very fine line between it being healthy and dangerous,
Let me explain……
So for me the last 12 months have been the loneliest time in my whole life yet I’ve had more people in my life now than I probably ever have done.
Its given me so much opportunity to learn about myself and reflect on my life and really understand what it is I want, what I will accept and what I absolutely won’t.
I personally think everyone would benefit so much from ‘being lonely’ For a period of time in their adult life just to understand and learn about themselves so they can grow as a person, yet so many people are scared of being lonely,
Which brings me on to the fact that loneliness can become fatal ……
the majority of suicides happen because these people don’t see a way out and feel lonely and isolated yet on the outside look happy and the life and soul of the party.
another reason why loneliness can be dangerous, is you can start to lower your standards and start allowing things you wouldn’t normally, such as poor relationships, people letting you down, settling for less because you have low self worth and doing things that are out of character just to stop feeling lonely.
For me I use sex, drink and drugs as a way to fit in and escape reality which then makes things worse in the long run because more negative things start to show up in my life and then the cycle continues,
using external things to escape the present reality,
making poor choices based on low self worth,
settling for less than I deserve,
Its a very hard cycle to break but like I said I honestly believe it’s a massively important opportunity to learn and grow and really reflect on your life and begin to lay down rules and boundaries that you will not let anyone into your life cross.
it can be very easy to make decisions based on how you’re currently feeling now, that later on you will regret such as settling for a relationship because you just want someone in your life, almost to save you,
^^^^ DON’T do this,
this is my number 1 piece of advice!
Not only will it end badly but it will also shape how the rest of your life will look,
you lower your standards and settle in relationships then every other thing will shift to match.
Loneliness is tough but what I would advise is, use this time to do what you want to do, don’t think you can’t go to that restaurant or see that movie or book that holiday because you have no one to go with, because when you start doing things on your own and learn to love your own company then you become untouchable and will start attracting people into your life that truly see your worth and are on the same wavelength,
like attracts like,
if you feel shit and let people into your life when you feel shit that you wouldn’t normally, then these will be the type of people that will also have low self esteem and that vicious cycle will only get harder and harder to break.
when you are happy confident and feel good about yourself that is the time that you start attracting amazing people into your life and will be the ones that will have a positive impact.
i have allowed myself to start slipping back into old self sabotaging habits because I’ve felt lonely but luckily I learnt exactly what I need to do to start improving my life again and not letting it spiral to far out of control.
you are enough and always will be, don’t let toxic people define you just because of how you currently feel about yourself.
you’ve got this 😊!!