So i’ve been single for 29 weeks and 4 days, not that i’m counting 😉 and the truth is i’m still not ready to be in a relationship again.
Being single does carry a certain amount of stigma,
- Hows your love life?
- Have you met anyone yet?
- You’re more than welcome to come out with us (third wheeling)
- Mates partners worried that if they go out with you then they will be up to no good
It’s like every singleton is exactly the same and their personality and whole identity is defined by their relationship status.
For some people being single is too hard, you have a lot more time on your hands and the thought of spending hours in their own company is enough to make people relationship hop.
Relationship hopping is where you can’t be on your own and just get in to a relationship with anyone that shows you attention normally due to not liking your own company.
I get it,
Being single is hard, especially if you don’t want to just go out drinking every weekend, but this is the time you need to learn to fall back in love with yourself again.
For me I love being in a relationship far more than I do living the single life,
Walking through the front door being able to talk about your day with someone you love,
Being able to look forward to date nights together even if it means ‘just’ cooking a nice meal and watching a film with a bottle of wine on the sofa together,
Ending your day getting into bed together knowing that you are going to be starting your day opening your eyes with them next to you,
Being in each others corner no matter what because you have an unbreakable bond,
Having dinner ready for them and a bath run for when they walk through the door,
Sharing birthdays together and seeing them smile because of the effort you’ve put in to making their day special,
Having that person to create your dream life with.
Being single it can be so easy to fall into the trap of going out drinking every weekend to escape reality, or trying to force connections with people because you are lonely, but these last 7 months i’ve learnt so much about myself.
I’ve had time to deal with internal issues that can easily be masked when you’re in a relationship,
I’ve learnt exactly what I want from a relationship and what I WON’T compromise on,
But more importantly i’ve learnt that a relationship should improve your life not take anything away from it.
The longer i’m single, the less I want to be in a relationship, because my biggest fear grows………..
Falling in love again only to go through another break up, because as empowering as it is to come out the other side of a heartbreak it is also physically and emotionally one of the hardest things you can go through.
A heartbreak will make you question EVERYTHING about your life,
Should I move away?
Who am I?
Am I enough?
Will I ever love like that again?
You just have this massive sense of feeling lost, like nothing really has a meaning anymore and you really have to evaluate things and ask yourself what is important.
As much as i’m an introvert I do love female company,
I’ve went from being a shy, nervous teenager around them to now spending most of my time with them through my work, but when it comes to wanting to spend time with a girl/s I suddenly have this sense of pressure, almost as if I feel I need to tell them I don’t want a relationship, now this comes with a huge feeling of embarrassment, as if i’m telling them because i’m so desirable that every girl immediately wants more from me………..
Stupid I know because they probably feel exactly the same.
So how do us singletons address this issue so we can actually enjoy other peoples company without the pressure and embarrassment thinking like that?!
Ultimately life is about connections,
Everything we are and everything we do is because we are seeking a connection.
Us blokes think that women want more from us and women think that us blokes just want to sleep with them.
Maybe we are just looking for a connection without any pressure or judgement?!?!?!
Being single isn’t about searching for a soul mate and going on date after date,
Being single is about becoming the best version of yourself and learning what it is you want and ATTRACTING the type of person that deserves to be with you.
Think about it,
If you feel shit about yourself,
Aren’t looking after your health,
Drinking too much and have self worth issues, do you think you are going to attract someone who is confident, healthy and enjoying life???
LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE.
You have all this time and opportunity to work on yourself,
Do you want to be with a happy, confident, motivated person………..
First of all you need to become one.