If you’ll let me, I want to take you back to my childhood and teenage years……….
I was brought up as a Jehovah’s Witness from a really young age, I have mixed feelings about this organisation/religion,
On one hand there are a lot of elements that I love about it,
Such as the sense of family and community, everyone genuinely cares and loves eachother and will go out of their way to help you, it also teaches you some very important lessons that transfer over into everyday life,
But on the other hand…………….
It is another form of control and manipulation.
As a young boy I began having sexual urges as every young person does, but this was seen as a sin, and even masturbation was a big no no, try telling a young lad he can’t experiment with his body when all he can think about is how to hide his erection in school,
The waistband was such a god send, oh the irony!
The fact that sex and masturbation were a massive taboo coupled with my lack of confidence meant that I was a very late bloomer.
I remember a few weeks before I started college thinking to myself I don’t want to be one of them college virgins, american pie esque,
So one weekend after a lot of alcohol the ‘opportunity’ arose and I took it, I just typed out grabbed the bull by the horns but that couldn’t be anymore insulting if I tried!
My sex life had begun and I was no longer a virgin, at the ripe old age of 17!
For a few years after that, I was always nervous when it came to having sex, and spent most of my weekends, if I wasn’t too intoxicated, having drunk sex.
Over the years I began to enjoy sex more and more rather than worry or stress about it,
It was a case of learning and experimenting what I liked and didn’t like.
I’ve never really been a massive fan of 1 night stands, waking up next to someone you are not really interested in, and having to make small talk to break the awkwardness, when all you want to do is make your excuses, and get the fuck out of there.
1 night stands lack all of the 5 vital principles for mind blowing sex, you may be lucky to have 1 of them such as comfortability but I have always been a quality over quantity type of guy,
Yes it’s cool to sleep with loads of women, but really, is it fulfilling?!?!?!
Now based on my upbringing as a Jehovah’s Witness, my lack of confidence and my high sex drive I’ve always fantasised about a relationship that has my 5 vital principles in abundance,
And the most important one and the one i’ve craved for aslong as I can remember is a deep connection, the kind of connection where every experience and every left or right turn has brought you together, a connection that no one could understand other than you too, a connection where you both know eachother more than you know yourself,
^^^ I think some people never get to experience and others just simply think it doesn’t exist,
I’ve been lucky enough to experience this type of connection.
The reason why sex is so important and I don’t just mean the act of having sex is because it brings you together,
Wanting to have sex with your partner, and choosing to have sex with just them, week after week, month after month, and year after year creates not only a huge level of trust in the relationship, but also knowing that your partner desires you gives you so much more confidence, that transfers into other areas of your life and relationship.
Can you remember a time when you’ve been hurt through rejection, it could be someone you have been romantically pursuing, it could even be your partner, but just try and think back to the feelings you had when you were rejected…………
Not good enough,
Now think about the feelings you felt or are currently feeling hopefully, when your sex life is good,
Again this is when your sex life has been or is good with your partner, because when your sex life is good it means you have my 5 vital principles in abundance,
See it’s not actually the physical side of sex that is so important in a relationship, obviously we all have basic needs but, it’s so much more to do with the emotions and feelings that sex brings about in a relationship.
One of the main reasons I hear people have split up is because their relationship changed from an intimate one to more of a friendship, it felt more like living as brother and sister, which means that the passion had gone and there was awkwardness around being intimate with eachother.
See being friends, getting on with eachother and being good parents to your children are massively important,
If you don’t look at eachother and want to sleep together, or even look at eachother in that way anymore, then you can’t say ‘we just work’ because you clearly don’t, and if you were both completely and brutally honest with eachother, your intimacy needs are actually important and the fact they are not being met is a bigger problem than you are admitting.
This absolutely doesn’t mean that your relationship is over but it’s going to take some work.
The reason relationships go like this is because it becomes too much effort, you allow life to get in the way and you almost begin to forget why you start this relationship in the first place.
I’m not saying you have to be at it every second of every day but you do have to flirt and make time for eachother, even if its just a kiss while the kids are playing in the living room and you’re both in the kitchen preparing dinner, I don’t mean a quick peck on the lips, I mean a kiss that you both feel and look into eachothers eyes,
Remember it’s not the act itself it’s the feelings and emotions around this.
A healthy sex life in a relationship means that you both find eachother attractive, you find eachother desirable and you respect your relationship and want it to continue to grow.
I want to leave you with a question,
Do you feel you are investing a good amount of time and energy into your relationship and if not why not???