Part 1 of 2.
This is a subject that massively interests me, I love seeing couples who have been together for years and years and still can’t keep their hands off eachother, this is the relationship I often dream about and since I experienced this kind of intimacy with my ex although it was short lived I will no longer settle for any less and this blog is all about why you shouldn’t either.
Best place to start, is always at the beginning funnily enough, so lets go right back to the feelings and emotions we feel/felt when pursuing someone romantically.
The very first thing that sparks your interest in someone is a physical attraction, before anything else all you have to go on is if you fancy this person, think of tinder, swipe left or right, this is why this concept works because the most important thing when wanting to invest some time in someone first and foremost is if you fancy them.
Then it comes down to something abit deeper, so you may be looking at them and beginning to get quite curious as to whether you can see yourself with this person, what parts of their personality are they showing that you like which in turn will breed more curiosity.
The next thing that is hugely important, and will determine whether we actually pursue them or not, is their values, and this is something that should, but not always will be a deal breaker if their values don’t match ours.
So you’ve chose the person you’re going to pursue, and you begin chatting, sending a few texts, and within a few days you are exchanging a lot of messages, you then move onto phone calls, we always put these off for abit because it can be a little nerve racking, don’t worry most people get nervous speaking on the phone the first time.
And all that’s left to do is arrange a date………
Now you can gauge whether or not this is someone you want to invest time in or not, we all have different things that we look for before we arrange a date, for me I have to be very physically attracted to them, feel comfortable speaking to them about anything and get butterflies when I think about seeing them or hearing their voice.
So date night comes, you meet up for a drink somewhere, and then head off to that posh restaurant together.
Now at this point if you don’t have butterflies, aren’t nervous, and don’t think they look absolutely stunning then you obviously haven’t done the first part very well before arranging the date.
^^^ Schoolboy error!
If you are nervous, have butterflies and can’t take your eyes off them then you have perfected stage 1.
The date is going really well and the drinks and conversation are flowing, you can’t take your eyes off them and you don’t want the night to end.
This moves us onto the topic of………..
Sex on the first date,
This is one thing I fucking hate about the rules of dating!
How can anyone else say whether you should or shouldn’t have sex on the first date, and even judge the decision you make?
This should come down to one thing, and one thing only……….
Do you both want to and does it feel natural.
Life is all about connections, and if you have one with the person sat across the table from you on your first date, and the natural progression of the date is going back to yours or theirs, then just let it flow.
Sex isn’t a big thing, unless you’re not getting it of course, and should not be seen as a taboo.
you go back with them and the sex is amazing.
The next few days you speak even more and tell eachother how much you enjoyed your first date, this is now where it all begins.
Over the next few months you become closer and closer and fall in love, you want to spend every minute of every day together, every part of this feels right and the sex has just got better and better.
Now this is something i’ve thought about alot…………
What defines amazing sex, and why does it get better and better when you fall in love???
I have put mind blowing sex down to 5 things that are vital if you want to have the best sex of your life.
- Love – when you have sex with that person you love the feelings are hugely amplified.
- Passion – Mind Blowing sex has to be passionate, kissing, touching, almost animalistic where you just let it flow and don’t hold back.
- Comfortability – You have to feel 110% comfortable with them, because if you don’t, then you will not be able to fully express yourself, and therefore will not be acting out your full desires.
- Confidence – Confidence is sexy anyway, think of when you look at your partner and they are in their element, its massively attractive isn’t it.
Now this is by far the most important thing and the foundation of mind blowing sex………..
Connection – You have to have a deep connection with this person because if you don’t then neither of you will fully understand eachother, connection is everything in life.
Now without 1 or 2 of these things you can have good sex and maybe even amazing sex but in my opinion without all 5 of these things you will never experience mind blowing sex.
Now I want to fast forward to say 5+ years down the line.
You’re relationship has turned into more of a friendship and even more like a brother and sister relationship,
Why has it changed when everything was so amazing in the beginning????
You’ve become complacent and stopped putting in the effort you used to at the start, now you make excuses whereas before you made time.
You no longer,
- kiss passionately
- communicate about anything to do with your relationship
- have sex or very rarely
- feel comfortable talking about the type of sex you enjoy and what fantasies you have
instead you make excuses,
- The kids
- No money
- No time
- I’m tired
This is a very unhealthy state to allow your relationship to get into. You both still have desires, sexual wants and needs, and the longer you bury your heads (no pun intended although this could be a good start) and tell yourself that they are not that important, the more you will start resenting eachother, and this will start to spill out into other areas of your life and relationship/s.
Now you have 2 choices,
Address the issues
Lie to yourself,
Sex isn’t that important.
Remember that monogamy is a choice, and sex is a basic need just like having a roof over your head and food on the table,
What happens when your basic needs aren’t being met……………
Now I am by no means saying that if you don’t give your partner sex then he/she has a right to cheat on you, in fact quite the contrary, but love will only keep you together for so long and if you are no longer physical with eachother then you are just friends and this is definitely not what you both wanted when you first got together.
A relationship is about so many things other than sex but for me it’s vital because its the deepest connection you can have with your partner, when your bodies are that entwined, and you are both giving eachother your full undivided attention you almost become one, and this is magical when you experience this type of sex, where all the top 5 musts for mind blowing sex are met.
After this kind of sex laying there with them, just cuddling, is the most amazing feeling I think I have ever felt, and I will never settle for any less.
Now I want to leave you with a question I want you to ask yourself………..
Are my basic needs being met from this relationship??